The Bug Martyrs



I am curious about the bugs whose innards end up on my windshield.

Are they insect martyrs?  If yes, what cause have they rebelled against? What are they being punished for?

I envision a bug community, where there is a tyrannical leader. More realistic, still, a leader of each bug phylum.


The reason I’m convinced that there is much more to bugs than just existing to annoy people is that their guts, without fail, regardless of season or locale, cover my windshield.

I believe that the unfortunate bugs that get smeared across my glass wanted to commence living, but through some radical means, have been exorcised from their bug community by their squirmy, tentacled, carapaced leaders.


If this is not the case, then I think bugs have a grudge against Jeep Wranglers.  Never have I had so many bug entrails on the windshields of my other vehicles. I am forced to carry with me paper towels and a bottle of generic window cleaner just so I can see to drive.

These bugs don’t realize, or don’t care, that I am a bad enough driver as it is. I do not need them spreading their enzymes and bile across my line of vision.  This stuff is like persimmon jelly – sticky, thick, and impossible to remove by wiper fluid alone.

I could clean my windshield daily and it wouldn’t be enough.

If I wreck, no matter the cause, I am going to blame the bug martyrs! I also might begin invoicing their bug leaders for pain and suffering on my part. Also for cleaning products!

Keep your innards to yourselves, bugs!


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